Give us yer right honourable pinkie!

Fingerprint scanners - good enough for the toiling masses, but not an overpaid, self-seeking bunch of cretins in Parliament!

I’m crediting Jimmy over at Patience and Perseverance for alerting me to this story – Jeez, I almost missed this gem.

Whilst Gordon Brown is keen as hell to create a police state, outdoing his predecessor on the issue of law and order and national security and Britishness and all that rot, it seems he and his ilk are not that happy about the idea of having state-of-the-art surveillance devices watching them – namely a hi-tech finger print scanner in the House of Commons.

Apparently, steps to use fingerprint scanners to control entry to the Commons have been dumped because of the suggestion that terrorists might pounce on an MP, cut off his finger and use it to gain access to the House of Commons. I ask you!!

Seemingly the Commons security specialists also said the available technology was also untrustworthy because it could not cope with dirty or sweaty hands. This is a bloody cop out – what the hell do MPs ever do to get dirty and sweaty hands?

As a spokesman for the No2ID protest group rightly said: "If they don't think fingerprint scanners will work for 650-odd MPs, how do they think they will cope with 60 million of us?" Indeed!

The idea now is that parliamentary pass-holders will instead have to type in a cash-machine -style PIN code. Yeah? Has nobody envisaged an MP getting mugged or kidnapped by a terrorist – who we are informed will do anything to get into Parliament – and who will scream at their trembling victim: ”right, give us yer fuggin’ pin number or we’re slitting you’re throat.” It’s a scenario every bit as valid as the “amputated finger” excuse they are using now.

Meanwhile, at my son’s comprehensive school there is a similar fingerprint scanner in place in the dinner canteen and the poor kids, who have had their fingerprints taken without parental consent, must have their dabs scanned before they get any grub. And there was no objection, when this was installed, about the scanner not being able to read the prints of 1,500 pubescent kids with visibly grubby and sweaty hands at meal time, or some hungry truant from the local catholic school lopping off one of their pinkies to get a free tuna salad and chips.

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